Wow! It's hard to believe school has been in session for about a month already. My kids and I are finally starting to settling into a routine and it's all becoming easier. Having 23 little ones has been such a challenge! There's just not enough space in our classroom and not enough patience in this teacher for so many 5 year olds confined into one space. Fortunately for us, we found out on Friday afternoon (perfect timing!) that our school has been given the go-ahead to begin the hiring process to find a fifth kindergarten teacher. This means that all of our classes will soon shrink by 6! It'll be sad to see some of them go and it will definitely be interesting to see how the classroom dynamic changes once the new teacher is hired, but it'll be so worth it in the end. With the smaller classes, I'll be able to have smaller groups for teacher centers and more time to work with the kids who really need me. I'm excited - but ready to get the whole thing over with so I can get my "new" class focused.
We've learned three words so far; I, can, and we. It's so much fun to put short sentences on the board and listen to them choral read it! Although I'm typically completely exhausted at the end of every single day..I usually come home with several funny stories. I've definitely got a few comedians on my hands, haha.
Away from the classroom, there hasn't been too much going on. Kindergarten has quite literally taken over my life! I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
Inadequate
..it's kind of a funny word. How exactly do you measure adequacy when it comes to relationships or life events or when it comes to your purpose or placement in someone's life? It's sad how easy it is for someone to make you feel inadequate and it's even more sad when you realize that they either don't know they're doing it or simply don't care.
So where do I feel inadequate and how do I change it? Well, the second half of that question is one that I wish I could answer. But I can't. I'm not sure who can and I'm not sure I even want to. I feel inadequate when it comes to relationships. Not in my relationship with Grady or even with most of my friends - but with my family. It's not a new feeling and it's not one that I feel with every member of my family. But I've never quite felt valued by the majority. It's in the little things. No Facebook comments. No texts. No phone calls. Heck, most of them probably won't even realize this is about them because they don't see anything wrong with the way they act. It's kind of a bummer to always feel like your second best - if you even manage to be a blip on the radar at all. And then there are the family members that go out of their way to make me feel inadequate when compared to them. They put themselves up on a pedestal and seem to look down on the rest of us. I don't understand it. I don't know why people paint a picture of something that they're not. But I've come to accept the fact that when I speak of family, I'm speaking largely of the family that I got the privilege of choosing; my friends. I don't need relationships with the family members that have gone out of their way to make me feel inadequate. I don't need them to see this and feel bad about the mistakes they've made. Why? Because I've got incredible friends.
Emma. Emma has, in the few years that I've known her, completely changed my life. Friendship with Emma is easy. It comes naturally. She's like my other half. The only problem is that Emma lives in Belgium and I only get to see her once a year. But that doesn't make our friendship any less valuable. We talk to one another every single day, usually for hours out of the day. We occasionally talk on the phone. She's the kind of friend that everyone should be lucky enough to have. She spent 2 weeks with Kayla and I this summer and Kayla fell in love with her too. I don't think Emma realizes how important she is to me. Her role in my life is part of what makes me feel adequate; part of what makes me who I am.
Katie. Katie and I have been best friends for as long as we can remember. Do we talk every day? No. Do we see each other as often as we should? No. But her friendship is one that I know I can always count on. We've had our fair share of bumps in the road for sure. And even though I'm not always the best example and even though I sometimes cause fights that (in hindsight) I shouldn't, she's always there.
Kayla. Kayla is my sister, but she's also my best friend. We share so much more than the average sister that sometimes it's hard to tell where I begin and she ends! We're roommates. We're travel companions.We complete each other's sentences and share countless inside jokes. We both love Harry Potter and the Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block. We both teach kindergarten. We laugh at stupid jokes. We have a song to go with just about everything. She gets me and my weirdness and even my attitude. What are sisters for, right?
Grady. Grady, as I've mentioned here before, is my soulmate. He loves me unconditionally despite the numerous flaws that I have. He knows just what to say to make me mad, but he also always has the right words to make me feel better. He makes me laugh. We have fun doing nothing and we have fun doing anything at all. He tells jokes that aren't funny and sometimes he's the only one that laughs. He doesn't like to clean and he doesn't always understand the "big" words that I use. But he's smart. He's smart and he's cute and he's amazing. And the best part? He's mine.
Those four friendships aren't the only ones that are important to me. They're just a few of the most important. There are other friends. Friends from work and friends from college. Friends from different states and sometimes even different countries. Friends that have become more like family than anything else.
So inadequacy. I said that it was a funny word. It's funny because I can feel completely inadequate in some areas of my life while feeling overwhelmingly blessed and loved and supported and wanted and needed in others. I don't know who gets the final call on what's adequate and what's not. But I do know that at the end of the day, I have more than I deserve and much more than I need. God is good. Always.
So where do I feel inadequate and how do I change it? Well, the second half of that question is one that I wish I could answer. But I can't. I'm not sure who can and I'm not sure I even want to. I feel inadequate when it comes to relationships. Not in my relationship with Grady or even with most of my friends - but with my family. It's not a new feeling and it's not one that I feel with every member of my family. But I've never quite felt valued by the majority. It's in the little things. No Facebook comments. No texts. No phone calls. Heck, most of them probably won't even realize this is about them because they don't see anything wrong with the way they act. It's kind of a bummer to always feel like your second best - if you even manage to be a blip on the radar at all. And then there are the family members that go out of their way to make me feel inadequate when compared to them. They put themselves up on a pedestal and seem to look down on the rest of us. I don't understand it. I don't know why people paint a picture of something that they're not. But I've come to accept the fact that when I speak of family, I'm speaking largely of the family that I got the privilege of choosing; my friends. I don't need relationships with the family members that have gone out of their way to make me feel inadequate. I don't need them to see this and feel bad about the mistakes they've made. Why? Because I've got incredible friends.
Emma. Emma has, in the few years that I've known her, completely changed my life. Friendship with Emma is easy. It comes naturally. She's like my other half. The only problem is that Emma lives in Belgium and I only get to see her once a year. But that doesn't make our friendship any less valuable. We talk to one another every single day, usually for hours out of the day. We occasionally talk on the phone. She's the kind of friend that everyone should be lucky enough to have. She spent 2 weeks with Kayla and I this summer and Kayla fell in love with her too. I don't think Emma realizes how important she is to me. Her role in my life is part of what makes me feel adequate; part of what makes me who I am.
Katie. Katie and I have been best friends for as long as we can remember. Do we talk every day? No. Do we see each other as often as we should? No. But her friendship is one that I know I can always count on. We've had our fair share of bumps in the road for sure. And even though I'm not always the best example and even though I sometimes cause fights that (in hindsight) I shouldn't, she's always there.
Kayla. Kayla is my sister, but she's also my best friend. We share so much more than the average sister that sometimes it's hard to tell where I begin and she ends! We're roommates. We're travel companions.We complete each other's sentences and share countless inside jokes. We both love Harry Potter and the Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block. We both teach kindergarten. We laugh at stupid jokes. We have a song to go with just about everything. She gets me and my weirdness and even my attitude. What are sisters for, right?
Grady. Grady, as I've mentioned here before, is my soulmate. He loves me unconditionally despite the numerous flaws that I have. He knows just what to say to make me mad, but he also always has the right words to make me feel better. He makes me laugh. We have fun doing nothing and we have fun doing anything at all. He tells jokes that aren't funny and sometimes he's the only one that laughs. He doesn't like to clean and he doesn't always understand the "big" words that I use. But he's smart. He's smart and he's cute and he's amazing. And the best part? He's mine.
Those four friendships aren't the only ones that are important to me. They're just a few of the most important. There are other friends. Friends from work and friends from college. Friends from different states and sometimes even different countries. Friends that have become more like family than anything else.
So inadequacy. I said that it was a funny word. It's funny because I can feel completely inadequate in some areas of my life while feeling overwhelmingly blessed and loved and supported and wanted and needed in others. I don't know who gets the final call on what's adequate and what's not. But I do know that at the end of the day, I have more than I deserve and much more than I need. God is good. Always.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Whirlwind
..that's the best word I can think of to describe my first week as a kindergarten teacher. It was insane/fun/exhausting and everything in between! I officially have 24 kiddos..which is, in my opinion, way too many five-year-olds in one classroom. Thankfully they're all pretty well behaved - so it'll be an interesting (but fun!) adventure. Friday night I was in bed and sound asleep by 9:30, and I slept until 8:30 this morning. Definitely some very, VERY much needed sleep.
I still can't believe how much responsibility falls on my shoulders, but I'm looking forward to the challenge. I already had one little friend who had a "lightbulb" moment this week..and there's nothing quite like the feeling that gives you. This child came to me not recognizing his own name..and by Friday he could write his first letter! It's a baby step, but it's amazing progress for only the first week of school.
I'm very lucky to have a sister that also teaches kindergarten..because we get to plan together! We stayed until a little after 7 on Friday getting all of our centers together for the next week. I think people would honestly be surprised by how much time/energy teachers/money (especially kindergarten teachers) have to invest on a weekly basis. I'm excited about finally getting to teach the kids something other than rules and procedures. Watching them learn new things just might be my favorite thing about kindergarten (besides naptime!).
Today..mom, Kayla and I went shopping. I'm in between sizes at the moment, however, and could only find one dress that I really liked. So when I got home I got online and ordered a few more. It's almost sad how much I enjoy shopping for teacher clothes these days, haha.
I really don't think there's anything interesting to report other than that. The workout schedule had to sit on the back burner while I got used to my work schedule again..so I'm definitely looking forward to getting back on track with a run tomorrow morning. My life officially revolves around school - and I'm not sure I'd have it any other way!
I still can't believe how much responsibility falls on my shoulders, but I'm looking forward to the challenge. I already had one little friend who had a "lightbulb" moment this week..and there's nothing quite like the feeling that gives you. This child came to me not recognizing his own name..and by Friday he could write his first letter! It's a baby step, but it's amazing progress for only the first week of school.
I'm very lucky to have a sister that also teaches kindergarten..because we get to plan together! We stayed until a little after 7 on Friday getting all of our centers together for the next week. I think people would honestly be surprised by how much time/energy teachers/money (especially kindergarten teachers) have to invest on a weekly basis. I'm excited about finally getting to teach the kids something other than rules and procedures. Watching them learn new things just might be my favorite thing about kindergarten (besides naptime!).
Today..mom, Kayla and I went shopping. I'm in between sizes at the moment, however, and could only find one dress that I really liked. So when I got home I got online and ordered a few more. It's almost sad how much I enjoy shopping for teacher clothes these days, haha.
I really don't think there's anything interesting to report other than that. The workout schedule had to sit on the back burner while I got used to my work schedule again..so I'm definitely looking forward to getting back on track with a run tomorrow morning. My life officially revolves around school - and I'm not sure I'd have it any other way!
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